I'm writing this, lying in bed for the sixth week in a row. Once again, humbled by my FSH. This time, a fractured bone and a fractured spirit.
While I deal with the realities of the disease, I would normally be grateful for getting away with a minor break and the ability to work from home. Possibly even steal away some time for last minute wedding plans.
But I find myself dwelling on the fact that my latest fall practically had people around me walk over my blob of a body. They probably thought I looked ok so I must be ok.
Or the guy who pushed me out of the elevator because he was in a hurry. He probably thought I was just there as another hindrance from him catching his bus, not that I was walking slowly because I was petrified of losing my balance and falling again. So terrible that he might have been late.
Is it me or are there way more people who are walking looking at their phones, no regard to the people they are knocking over. A quick 'sorry' but please, I need to return this text.
Or those who don't think I am fun because I can't play sports, or do all the things that they do so easily. They think I should toughen up. They say if my mind and spirit is strong I can do anything.
I used to say that to people, but now I know your attitude can't fix what's wrong, only how you handle it.
I wake up trying to inspire, trying to lead, trying to be strong, trying to help others. But, I am getting tired of my own rhetoric and others are tired of listening to me explain what I am going through.
Maybe I need to give myself a break, we all need to do that. With a stressful job, health issues, financial challenges and a wedding to plan, re-plan and re-plan. I think I will take the time to reset my goals or maybe move the goal posts a little.
