Disneyland Part 3 - The Opportunity

There are five stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I am fortunate to be able to get through these stages quicker as time goes on. It's an important part living life to the fullest. 


I supposed I should be happy I passed through the stages well before the end of the trip. Having FSH does make one resilient.


I like to think there is a sixth stage which is opportunity. I want to believe something positive can come out of every experience. 


When I look back on the trip, I can only see my nephew's smiling face, his infectious belly laugh and his passion for life. He inspires me every day and reminds me happiness is a simple formula and I am so grateful for that.


The experience made me feel like I made the right decision not trying to raise a child on my own at this stage of my FSH. I am glad I spent the money on this trip because it is a memory I will cherish forever. I am glad he adapted to my circumstances and found ways for us to share our own special things that weren't as physical, I think it will make him a more compassionate person. I am glad to have one more adventure to look back on.


Maybe this experience was like 'dipping a toe in the water' to get a taste of what the next stage of immobility would be like. One thing is for sure, I am getting a sleek, red scooter. If I am going to get one, I better look good in it.

Disneyland Part 2 - The Reality

As I wrote in my previous post, my trip to Disneyland with my nephew was planned out well. The itinerary, the transportation, the company.. all good.


I had planned to spend the first day calibrating myself. Doing the walk around Disney and determining what, if anything, I would need to assist me. The other aunt decided that we should just rent the scooter provided at Disney. The truth was, everyone rented those scooters. Disney is huge! So what was the big deal?


I didn't think the experience would be as jarring for me as it was. I have always tried to prepare for mobility assistance as an inevitability to avoid such a moment. But I guess you just never know how you are going to react when actually in the moment. The scooter was easy enough to handle and thankfully my nephew loved riding around in it. But, I caught my reflection in the window and just couldn't believe it. What was I doing on this contraption? I shouldn't be using this, should I? The reality was, I would have struggled walking the whole park on my own. Even using the stroller to keep me balanced, it would have been tough. Why did I want to struggle if I didn't have to?


I thought it would give me freedom. But for the first little while, it made me feel trapped. Like I was trapped in a body and in a life that wasn't right. I thought I was over all that. But I guess it is a reminder that FSH comes in phases and with every phase, you have to go through another emotional and physical adjustment.


There were so many places I couldn't get into. So many things I had to imagine instead of experiencing. And the worst part of all, the new reality that not only was walking a problem, but I discovered a whole new set of limitations: no rides that were too low or too high, no standing in line because my nephew needed to be carried which I couldn't do, no swimming with him since he needed to be held, no giving him a bath or brushing his teeth because I couldn't kneel and the worst? No big bear hugs from my nephew while I was standing because I would fall over.... which I did. 


So was that it? Was that going to be my memory of The Big Dream?

Disneyland Part 1 - The Big Dream

I just returned from my dream trip to Disneyland. A dream trip because I had the chance to plan a wonderful week-long adventure with my nephew. 


I love that kid.


But I also wanted the trip to be really memorable for a number of other reasons. I needed to do this trip while I still could. I wanted to be able to be mobile and create a fun experience with him that I would never be able to share with my own child. I also wanted to do something memorable with the last of my adoption money since the adoption wouldn't be completed.


I suppose to some that would seem a frivolous way to spend the money, but I really needed to do this. I needed to have that memory and I needed him to have a memory of me that was "normal".


I planned the trip sparing no expense to ensure the trip was easy, given the limitations with FSH. I knew I would never be able to take him on my own as he has more energy than a flock of rabbits. So his other aunty came along. Thank god for her! She is a very kind person who loves him as much as I do, so I knew this would be a great experience for her too. 


I insisted on paying for everyone as I felt I had to have that independence and ensure I didn't feel like a burden. I guess that is something many people go through with a disability. It also gave me this great freedom and euphoria to be able to get him anything he wanted and do whatever we wanted to do.


We had a week of fun and we packed it! Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, Legoland, Seaworld, all the swimming he could handle, parks and movies every night.


I don't think I have ever laughed so hard. Kids are so amazing and this one has a sense of humour you would not believe.


I had lots of advice from friends with FSH and friends who had been to Disney. I myself had been to most of these places a few years ago. I didn't realize what a difference a few years could make.


Therein lies the second part of this post - The Reality. Reality comes and gets you every time. The question is, would it be enough to knock me off my game?