Flip Flop...Stop...?

In the early part of my career I was called a 'flip flopper', 'job jumper', fickle and utterly lacking in focus and commitment. All this because I moved from job to job every couple of years.

Now, anyone in PR and Communications will tell you, that this is very typical in our industry. It is a high adrenaline game with many disciplines to focus on. To do well you need to thrive on challenge and keep raising the bar on your own success. These are the same qualities that make you 'flighty' to some.

This industry trend has evolved into more of a generational trend and has become an expected outcome for an employee relatively new in the market. After all, it's about the journey not the destination, right?

I have come to learn far too many people underestimate the value of the destination. After all, what's the point in getting somewhere if you can't appreciate it when you get there?

The question then, I suppose, is how do you know when you have reached your destination?

I wrestle with this now as I am at a junction of my career where I can take it to the next level. In a previous post I wrote about my climb up the corporate ladder and some angst around being promoted to managing a team.

To be honest, I had almost given up on moving up in my current company given the economic climate and the fact that I had this monkey on my back called FSH. I was learning to make the most out of the steady nature of my job and try to use the time, and lack of stress, to pursue other life ambitions.

Now here I am in this new role which was like being thrown back in a cold pool after lazing around on the beach. Don't get me wrong, my instincts kicked in and I threw myself right in - looking for the quick wins and planning a legacy. I really enjoy breaking new ground and most of all, I really enjoy leading a team. Motivating them, nurturing their skills and watching them succeed. I think I hit that point in my career where helping others achieve their goals has become one of mine.

But is 40 too soon for that? Even for an over achiever like me? Or is 40 just the right number when you have a disability and are not sure how much longer you can keep working? When is the right time to stop flip flopping for a new line on the resume?

So all this brings me to my dilemma. Of course it is FSH related. Way too many of my dilemmas are. Yes, I need to work on that... but for now, here it is.

Several new speaking requests have emerged after my last speaking engagement. I feel like I barely made out of that one alive. Can't I just claim victory on that and move on to something else? Apparently not, as speaking and being the expert in something is 'the next thing' to do to increase your profile.

I spoke to my brother about it. He is a gifted and confident speaker (and athlete) and foolishly thinks people can do anything they put their minds to. What the hell is wrong with him? I once foolishly thought the same thing. But a person who can't walk, just can't walk. Not at that moment, anyway. You can kill yourself trying to swim upstream, or get to where you are going by navigating the natural current. Sure, you might get stronger the other way, but you won't have any energy left when you get there.

So he tried to give me a kick in the butt (we all need that some days) and motivate me by telling me that it was the best thing for my career and I was going to get bored of this job soon enough, who not set myself up for a new challenge.

Like my life isn't challenging enough.

He means well and perhaps if I had heard the 'you can do it!' cheer in the formidable years where FSH stripped me of my confidence and self worth, maybe I would see this as an easier road to navigate. But, right now, fear grips me. Changing jobs again? What was once sport for me, is now paralyzing. I am scared to move for fear that FSH will swing another blow at me before I am eligible for disability.

For my American friends who often talk about the horrors of navigating through medicare and the US health insurance providers, we are much more fortunate in Canada, IF we outlast the waiting period making us eligible for Long Term Disability. It's usually only a couple of years. While that seemed like no problem when my condition was in the early stages, but it's staring me in the face now.

So now I need to decide what to do. Take a deep breath, gather my strength and continue the journey (whether for my next job or just mastering my presentation skills for the sake of conquering a fear and breaking boundaries) or do I just enjoy the destination?