Success is in the Buckets

I have been thinking a lot about my last post and what I wrote about how foolish I thought it was that people think 'you can do anything you put your mind to". Sounds pretty negative and very un-zen-like, doesn't it? So I thought I would clarify.

I do think there are some things you can achieve with hard work, passion, commitment and determination. And there are some you can't. It's the absolution component that troubles me.

The reality is, life is made of three buckets where your successes live. Bucket One contains the things you have control over. Bucket Two is where you put things you have some control over. Bucket Three is for the things you have no control over.

This was a lesson taught to me by someone on our company's leadership team. It was a lesson on managing expectations and creating an environment where you can actually succeed. I think the theory is as relevant for life situations.

I wanted to be in advertising and I went after it and did it. I wanted to get my accreditation in PR and I worked hard and I did it. I had control over these things. I found a way to get the money, worked through the time commitment and worked hard to do well.

I also want to be able to run, to skate, to dance. But my FSH is in the way. Weakened muscles, a foot drop and I don't even know what to say about my ankles. But, right now, I have no control over those things and so I can't achieve what I would like. This is Bucket Three. (By the way, I hate Bucket Three, but it's part of the buckets and so there it is.) Now I have a choice. a) I can kill myself trying to make this go in Bucket One. b) I can redefine the goal based on what I can control and achieve a different success. Or, c) I can take comfort in releasing the pressure on myself for something I can't control and can't change.

I use the word comfort deliberately. It takes awhile to get there because it feels like defeatism at first. No one wants to accept they don't have complete control over their life and can't determine their own future. People who think that will find it very challenging to accept life's natural course of evolution. People get sick for no reason. People die unexpectedly. Things happen we can't understand. When you accept what bucket things are in, it is a liberating feeling and actually puts the control of your success back in your hands.

I leave you with this old quote, that is as true today as it was when I was a little girl reading it on my grandfather's wall:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Or the modern version:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of everyone I killed who pissed me off."